How to Know if Your Husband Is Trying to Control You

Toxic relationships tin happen to almost anyone. Controlling people have a fashion of dominating their partners—whether they or their partners realize what's happening or not.

Then nosotros asked experts to reveal some of the most prominent alarm signs of a decision-making partner.

Do yous notice more than a couple of these signs within your human relationship?

Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR

Licensed Psychotherapist | Marriage and Family Therapist | Owner, Create Your Life Studio

Emotionally dominance and over-control in relationships occur when ane person overwhelms the other's emotional boundaries and begins to control what the other is allowed to bear witness that they recollect and feel, and/or how they may outwardly deport.

The person who is emotionally dominating may take a deep need for control and fifty-fifty though this person may announced stiff, they are really moving through the globe in a fearful way. They attempt to command another'south feelings equally a fashion to subtract their ain anxiety.

The person being emotionally controlled is often vulnerable due to their fearfulness of confrontation, fear of tension, and fear of disapproval or the possibility of not be liked. Most concrete and sexual abuse happens after one person establishes emotional dominance over the other.

Three powerful signs that your partner may be trying to emotionally dominate and control you lot are:

You are not allowed to state your opinion if it differs from the other person'south

For example, if y'all are consistently told to close up or be quiet, or given repeated instructions or warnings not to talk nearly sure things, these could be signs of someone attempting to emotionally dominate and control y'all.

You are emotionally invalidated on the regular

In that location is a pattern of emotional invalidation. You are told that you lot don't feel the way yous feel. For instance, the person trying to emotionally dominate you is dismissive and minimizes your experience. "You aren't hurt, toughen upwards. I barely touched yous." or "Yous are too sensitive. Get over information technology, drama queen."

A serious sign that your partner may exist overly controlling, is when your partner frequently suggests, states, or makes you feel as though your feelings and reactions are overdramatic, out of proportion, or unnecessary.

Gaslighting

If you share your hurt feelings with your partner, and he or she minimizes and invalidates them, you lot may be dealing with a gaslighter. If your partner makes statements alleging that you should non exist reacting in such a way and that the cause is unjustified, they may be gaslighting you.

If your feelings are hurt and you are seeking to communicate this clearly and directly, but your partner's response is minimization and deflection every time, they may be gaslighting y'all with a method called "Downplaying."

If y'all share a feeling with your partner and find that you are getting consistently downplayed, your partner may exist gaslighting you lot. Run the scenario by a trusted friend and trust your ain gut. If every time y'all say "ouch", you are fabricated to experience like you are overreacting, trust your ain body.

Partners who downplay to gaslight are attempting to minimize your feelings as a way to minimize their culpability. If your partner downplays you consistently, and you begin to question if yous are overreacting, you demand to run this by a third party who is neutral and sensible.

Get some professional feedback from a therapist or a wise elder. Keep a periodical of these incidents. Your ain body and intuition are your barometer here.

You are constantly walking on eggshells to avoid an upset

There are clear not-verbal cues to keep you quiet that yous understand within the relationship. Y'all are made to feel that yous can not say how y'all really experience, or there will be a large blow-up.

You receive these non-exact cues, such as glare, to minimize, shush, and contain your emotions to appease the other, even when keeping your feelings in feels painful and unhealthy.

Related: How to Deal with Controlling People?

Tonisha M. Pinckney, Ph.D., MSCJ, MAFF, CFE, CBE, CSCD, CCII

Criminologist | Forensic Accountant | Owner, Chief Executive Officeholder, Revelatus Consulting

Hither are a few signs I commonly find when working with victims or mentoring offenders:

Using the telephone as an electronic tether to know the movements of the partner throughout the 24-hour interval.
Checking in and requiring facetime (or some other video chatting) when texting or calling would suffice. This is done to ensure (1) the people in the vicinity know the non-decision-making partner is in a relationship, (two) to confirm the partner is where they claim to be, and (three) to maintain a constant visual connexion.
The controlling partner will create or initiate a schedule conflict. He or she may schedule a personal date, have emergencies, or other crunch when the other partner is planning to become out with family or friends. This could include non getting back with the car in fourth dimension (if the car is shared or borrowed) or non arriving in time to go to the event. It may even include a minor argument.
Insisting that the non-controlling partner change their attire preferences that suit the security level of the decision-making partner. They may even employ religion or social status to justify their reasons.
Religion may be used as a way to keep the not-controlling partner in line. Undesired behaviors may be directly linked to the "salvation," dedication, or truthful commitment to the faith and their God, god, or gods.
Constantly reminding the not-controlling partner of how bad past relationships were and how lucky he/she is to have them equally a partner
Using weight or physical attributes to scoff the individual – insisting on gym or surgery
I am seeing financial command as an increasing method of control. This can be anywhere from insisting on paying for minor bills and meals to sabotaging career selections, new jobs, interviews, and client relationships. Financial dependence can elongate an otherwise waning relationship
Use of the children equally a means of command. Questioning parenting decisions and fettle to be a parent. Using the children as pawns.
Reminding the not-controlling partner of prior poor life decisions. Causing the not-controlling partner to put increasing trust in the decision-making partner due to decreasing cocky-esteem and trust of his/herself
Limiting the alone time – potentially going with the non-controlling partner to the hair/nail salon or barbershop, requesting intimacy when they see the non-decision-making partner is preparing to do something alone.
Accusing friends and family unit of being jealous of their relationship.
Insisting on knowing (personally) all friends and acquaintances.
Starting arguments and so that they can apologize in a thousand gesture.
Positioning themselves as a savior and so reminding the non-decision-making partner that "they would be nowhere and nothing without them."

Warning signs of a decision-making partner include the post-obit—someone who:

Needs to exist the ane to determine where the two of you are going — what movie you'll come across, where you'll eat or vacation.
Hands becomes defensive and has difficulty admitting existence wrong, making mistakes or letting you be right.
Won't permit you choose your friends or activities, but insists yous must do what they think is right for y'all.
Needs to know where you're going 24/7/365 and insists you phone call them to check in whenever you're non in their company.
Insists on legal documents like buying a joint car, gunkhole, house or condo be in their name only.
Is extremely jealous of you lot beingness with friends or family members and wants y'all to themselves.
Pushes you lot in directions you don't want to go in regarding your work or career.
Generally tries to undermine your decisions, independence, or cocky-esteem (gaslighting) to increase your dependence on them.

Adina Mahalli

Certified Mental Health Consultant, Enlightened Reality | Relationship Expert, Maple Holistics

Criticism

Someone who is trying to control you ofttimes wears down your self-worth and so that you terminate upward relying solely on them for approval. No matter how small the criticism may seem, if information technology becomes the dynamic of your relationship it'south a alert sign of a controlling partner.

Your partner is supposed to be the person that makes you feel similar your all-time self; non brand you doubt your every motility.

Guilt

Controlling partners are skilled manipulators. This means that they'll use guilt every bit a technique to become their way. you'll eventually find that yous outset doing any you take to do to avoid those feelings of guilt, which means they've got you lot right where they want y'all.

Lack of respect

If your partner tin't stand when you have fourth dimension alone or make plans with friends, it'due south a sign that they're controlling. Not respecting your needs, whatsoever they may exist, is a way to control yous.

Couples don't always have the same needs in terms of being introverted or extroverted but if your partner makes y'all out to be the villain when you desire to do your own thing, it'due south a sign of a controlling partner.

Hiding things from them

The biggest warning sign of a controlling partner is not beingness able to make your own decisions and feeling like yous need to hide things. If you feel like y'all need to hide things, then your partner is probably trying to either command who you are spending time with or control other aspects of your life.

If your partner is looking through your phone and so berating you lot about what they find, you are probably in a controlling relationship.

Keeping tabs on you all-day

here is a difference between your partner casually asking you what you are up to and demanding to know where you are and who yous are with every moment of the day.

Y'all should have the freedom to not have your phone on you for a few hours and your partner not lose their mind over information technology. If you tin can't, it may be a sing you lot are in a controlling relationship.

Flipping things on you when they are in the wrong

This is a mutual tactic for a manipulative controlling person. Not beingness able to acknowledge when they are wrong and making everything your mistake is a sign they are emotionally controlling you and not being an equal partner in the relationship.

Controlling partners will oft mask their control under the guise of protection and safety

Beware of the partners that want y'all to phone call when you have arrived home after a date or outing with your friends, partners that insist on picking you up from outings they did non nourish or follow you lot home from dates or outings together.

These gestures may seem harmless or even considerate, but this could be a sign that yous have someone that is extremely insecure and feels the need to ensure that you are at home and alone!

They make chronic criticisms most your advent and behaviors

These will be given the guise of constructive feedback to make you lot better or to claiming you lot, just if you lot end up feeling defeated instead of inspired, fatigued instead of energized, these are signs of a partner that is trying to ensure your attention and free energy is solely on them!

They will exhaust you trying to make them happy

These partners will brand caring, acceptance, and beloved provisional, and yous volition frazzle yourself trying to make them happy in club for yous to feel loved and accepted in the relationship.

Call up a partner should want to exist with you based on who you are now, not your potential, or some future version of you they created in their head.

They are your "everything"

If a partner believes that he or she should be your all-time friend, your confidant, your shopping partner, running partner, your everything, the one person to run across all of your needs this is a BIG sign.

These behaviors can easily plow into he/she finding some problem with each of your friends and close family members. He/she will listen attentively when you lot have conflicts with friends/family and instigate negative feelings ensuring that he/she is the but one you need.

Isolating yous from family unit and friends is a common tactic of abusive partners. When y'all only take interaction with your partner and y'all rely solely on them for your needs, you become more hands manipulated, controlled, and abused.

Kim Keane

Domestic Violence Speaker & Survivor | Educator

The ultimate goal of a decision-making partner is to maintain power over the person they are having a human relationship with.

Dictating what can be worn such every bit clothing, makeup

The offset sign that a partner is controlling can be recognized through their influence of what clothing the person is wearing and when they are allowed to wear certain habiliment items.

For instance, the partner may not want their wife or girlfriend to wearable a dress, skirt, or low-cut blouse when they aren't around considering other men will expect at them and possibly exist attracted to them.

This behavior can be an immediate red flag especially if the person's appearance, habiliment preferences, and style have changed since the relationship with the partner started.

Isolation from your inner circumvolve

Additionally, a change in the person'south behavior in regards to whom they are spending fourth dimension with, where they become, and when they go tin can also be an indication they are with a decision-making partner.

This blazon of behavior occurs because the partner wants to isolate the person from their inner circle to create a sense of dependence upon the partner and what the partner provides. Likewise, the partner needs to have a feeling of power over the person as they maintain their feeling of control.

Influence on spending habits

Likewise, a controlling partner tin influence the person'south spending habits considering this maintains control while making the person believe they are not capable of managing their finances and shouldn't trust their own decisions.

This is a tactic that a partner volition use every bit a ways of control because it allows them to dominate their significant other while continuing to foster a false sense of dependence.

Constantly checking through social media accounts, text messages, and phone calls

This is can indicate there are decision-making tendencies considering the partner needs to continually monitor the significant other. For example, the partner may tell them they need to text when they are leaving work and at their arrival of each errand they might take to run on their way home.

If the partner isn't going to be home when the pregnant other arrives, then another text or phone phone call is expected.

What one person perceives as "protection," another person perceives equally "controlling."

What i person intends every bit "protection," another person intends as "decision-making."

A sense that your personal space is being violated

Proxemics is the study of how much infinite we need in dissimilar situations. It is non the aforementioned for everyone. If you are what is commonly known as a "hugger", your demand for personal space is non the same equally someone who prefers a handshake or no touching at all.

The person requiring more distance can feel threatened and controlled past a hugger. We shouldn't accept warm and fuzzy feelings almost huggers; their behavior can be very controlling.

Verbal lashing—at least that's what I call it

Vocalics is the written report of how we say things, not what nosotros say, and information technology'southward role of body language. Some people manifest decision-making beliefs by using a tone of voice, cadence, and pitch that feels like a whip to the other person.

Information technology doesn't matter what words are coming out of their mouth, they are using vocalics to attempt to control the beliefs of the other person.

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Source: https://upjourney.com/signs-of-a-controlling-partner