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Myrling's Corner

BE NOT AFWAID

Some angels aren't that good at taking human shape, but they do try their best to be friend shaped.

over on patreon Scyllarus asked for 'Toy breed angels (like toy breed dogs, but with more eyes and wings)', and Werejelly wanted 'Living creatures that somehow incorporate things like pipecleaners, yarns old buttons and crafty things into their biology'.

i imagine these little buddies hang out with humans a lot. maybe they've been sent for some reason by a god with an overflowing craft drawer who's really into kidcore, maybe they're fallen angels who have found new forms of self expression and community among the humans as they literally craft their forms as they see fit. in any case, although they can probably be the size of a building if they want, they choose to be somewhere between the size of beanie baby or a pomeranian. perfect size to rest in the palm of your hand or settle on your lap if you sit still long enough.

every one of them absolutely bites though. Do Not Antagonize.

How they managed to secure a large swath of Australia the world may never know

These animals won a war against the Australian government

Half Goblin, half Hobbit.

Goblit.

God dammit I did this just for a pun but now I'm imagining this whole backstory where a wounded female goblin flees from some battle and winds up on the edges of the Shire and she's gonna jump some Hobbit dude named Blinko Tumbrush but Blinko's so unfailingly polite that his first reaction on seeing someone in a rough situation is to invite them in to dinner and gobbo chick is just like "… uh… 'kay."

And then she has dinner and it's the best thing she's ever eaten and even her little green brain is able to put together "If I knife this guy so I can take his stuff he can't cook more of this" so when he asks her to stay the night she's just like "Fuck yeah breakfast".

And all the other Hobbits in the area are staring at this new arrival who starts begrudgingly working in the garden (she can pull out the weeds they'd normally have to hitch livestock to) and they're all thinking "Uhhhhh that's a fucking Goblin there, chief" except if they actually acknowledge that she's a goblin then it's a huge to-do and a lot of excitement and possibly there would be adventure involved in chasing her off. So they just sort of silently, collectively decide they're going to ignore it and all go "Oh, Blinko finally found himself a lady, how nice, she must be one of the Glumbrushes from over the far side of West Farthing, I always did hear they were on the homely side, not much hair on their feet you know."

And eventually in due time along comes Korbo Tumbrush and decently cute Hobbit baby but the biggest fucking ears you ever saw on a Hobbit and he's a bit green and everyone is thinking "That's a fucking half-Goblin you've got there, chief, you fucked a fucking Goblin, you made a baby with a damn Goblin my guy" but this would be an immensely rude thing to say to someone so they're just like "Oh how nice, Blinko, he looks just like you, has those Glumbrush eyes though."

And Korbo the Goblit grows up a proper little man in his waistcoat and pipe and every so often someone visits from a different part of the shire and sees this plump green dude with massive flappy pointed ears and they start to open their mouth only for a local to leap right in and go "HAHA YES THAT IS KORBO TUMBRUSH A VERY UPRIGHT HOBBIT WE ALL LOVE KORBO HE'S GLUMBRUSH ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE (WE THINK) THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!" and the visitor just starts nodding along emphatically because this is clearly something that is Not Spoken Of.

I. I have to know …

Does Korbo know!? Like is the Gobit aware his momma is a goblin? Or does he just grow up like

"yup us Glumbrushes sure do look different"

He leaves home on an adventure and stumbles n a hoard of goblins marches right up like

"how do ya do fellow hobbits? You know I'm half Glumbrush myself"

Alright, so, Korbo got in a fight once.

Once.

The Tumbrushes are, as a family trade, purveyors of fine pieces of wood. Not of large amounts of lumber, for which Hobbits don't have a particular lot of call save occasionally, but rather of particularly nice pieces suitable for the making of fine window trimmings, floors, or the occasional carved bit of artwork to be given at a fancy event. Obviously for this one doesn't go cutting down any tree willy-nilly, and Korbo had spent most of the day out and about looking for suitable trees.

(Korbo also personally assisted in cutting them down, being rather well known as on the strong side for a Hobbit, wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Having put in a genuine hard day's work and rather pleased with himself, Korbo retired to the local bar to have a few beers and a smoke and to partake in good company, all of whom had gotten so used to pretending there was nothing odd about him that it was almost as if there was genuinely nothing odd about him.

Until along comes Humdil Thumbletoe.

Now the Thumbletoes were what was known in the Shire as "experts on genealogy". This might sound like quite a good thing when you consider how well-versed most Hobbits are in their family lines, until you consider that most Hobbits are already well-versed in their family lines. A Hobbit being thoroughly knowledgeable of their family tree is not much to be remarked upon, so when it is remarked upon it is more to mean that the Hobbits in question are such tremendous mooches that they have had to dive far more deeply into their bloodlines looking for more relatives to leech off of than any Hobbit would generally consider polite.

Humdil was fairly brawny as Hobbits go, which was about all you could say for him. In fact Humdil had realized that was really all that could be said for him and had become a bit of a bully. And so it was he entered the bar that night with a very put-upon third cousin twice removed (by marriage) and caught sight of Korbo for the first time.

"Why, look at that one!" he bellowed, guffawing. "He's so ugly his mother had to have been a Goblin, ey!"

The whole bar goes quiet. Aside from the obvious abominable rudeness of this, Humdil has said the thing that is never supposed to be said, and is clearly too stupid to realize he's right. All heads slowly turn to Korbo.

Now, it is well known that Korbo has inherited his father's tendency to never give a single solitary hairy-toed fuck about anything. He has currently been in the running to be at least the second most chill dude to ever be born in the Shire. And indeed, right now he's still looking perfectly calm, puffing on his pipe. He sets the pipe aside, finishes off the last of his beer, and stands up.

"Sir, we'll be needing to step outside."

Now Hobbits are mostly a peaceable lot, not given to wars or fighting for any old thing, but a bit of fisticuffs outside the bar is hardly unheard of. Mostly everyone is kind of nervous about this because they're still not sure how Korbo is reacting to this whole Goblin thing. So someone takes Korbo's jacket and Humdil's third cousin twice removed (by marriage) grudgingly takes his, and the two square off.

Now, Humdil was a big Hobbit, it was true, but there were a few things that, being a moron who didn't realize he was right, and who had never been outside the Shire or seen a Goblin anyway, he could not possibly know.

For one, Goblins have long, spindly arms, giving them a surprisingly good reach for their size… not abominably long, certainly not in the case of a half-Goblin, and certainly not above being concealed by the cut of a well-tailored shirt. Second, they are compact, wiry creatures, with dense muscle over their otherwise lanky forms, and given to that a Hobbit's already greater mass and the anchoring benefit of large, wide feet, well.

The moment Humdil stepped forward and started to swing, Korbo's fist shot out like one of Gandalf's better rockets and struck him directly in the nose. His flight was also, for some weeks after, compared to one of Gandalf's rockets, though not quite as far and the explosion at the end was mostly him laying on the ground cursing wetly due to all the blood streaming from his nose.

Korbo apologizes profusely to all and sundry for the disturbance, collected his jacket, and goes home. Honey is out picking mushrooms (still being of the more nocturnal persuasion after all these years), but Blinko's sitting by the fire reading a book. Korbo sees that there's a newspaper (full of lots of extremely important things like how the pipeweed was growing and which barrels of beer were going to be uncasked that month), so picks it up and sits down to read.

"Evening, Da."

"Evening, son. Pleasant evening out?"

"Oh, fine. Save for I broke Humdil Thumbletoes's nose for him."

"Hm, hm, I see. Why did you feel the need to do that?"

"Well, he called Ma a Goblin, you see."

Blinko slowly lowers his book, and slowly raises his head. Looks at Korbo for long moments. Raises one eyebrow a little.

"Son. You know full well your mother is a Goblin."

"Well, yes, but he didn't know that, and he said it as an insult anyway so it being true or not doesn't really matter that much, does it?"

"Hm, hm. I suppose that's true at the end of the day, isn't it?"

Blinko goes back to reading his book. Korbo continues reading the paper.

"You could have stabbed him," Blinko eventually notes.

"Aye, could have stabbed him," Korbo agrees easily enough. "But it's a bit of a mess, isn't it?"

"True, true, probably would have been a bit of a mess in the road, not very thoughtful to the community," Blinko allows.

And that was the end of it.

I love all of this so much. Also-

"Sir, we'll be needing to step outside."

The power. I set down my drink after that one.

Oddly enough, one might expect Korbo to have trouble finding a lady hobbit. He's not given to being as plump as his fellows, and his feet are a bit small, and he's rather, well, tall for a hobbit, isn't he. And green. Always looks a bit like he's eaten something that didn't agree with him.

But he runs into Hilda Greebrook one day in town, and she's lost her favorite pipe, which is of course a tragedy of the highest order. It's not unheard of for a lady to smoke, but it isn't particularly encouraged, either, and so the general reaction is "you poor dear, perhaps it'll turn up, hadn't you best be getting home for luncheon?"

Korbo, however, stops to help her look for the pipe, and when it's nowhere to be found he offers to make her another just like it, if she can tell him what precisely made it so special that it was a favorite, for after all a favorite must be distinguishable by something.

Unfortunately the thing that distinguishes it is that she got it from Gandalf and it's quite unlike most pipes in the Shire, so recreating it is quite the task. But Korbo sets himself to it anyway, working a bit each night and handing it to Hilda daily to see if it feels quite right, and six months later he's done it—recreated a pipe that came from the world of men, or perhaps elves, but certainly not that of hobbits.

Hilda for her part discovers Korbo quite likes to read, and though he's from a reasonably well-to-do family—for hobbits are always in need of new toys and fancy party decorations after all—can't get his hands on books fast enough to satisfy himself, and, well, her da's a transcriber, someone's got to write out the papers after all, and she's got access to practically every book in the Shire, and ways to make copies besides.

At first people think it's odd, a hobbit who can't see asking to borrow books, but then they find out Korbo is involved and asking questions could lead to excitement and so they absolutely do not ask and simply offer up their histories and books of poetry and hobbit folklore (for even without want for excitement there are things it's good to remember, and things every hobbit child should know so they, too, can grow up properly plump and staying well away from adventure), and resign themselves to never seeing their books again.

And then they find that far from their books quite disappearing, they return in fine form—albeit usually in a timeframe rather too long to be polite—but oddly quite a lot seem to have tiny bits of wood shavings in, although one wouldn't expect it in a hobbit home? And THEN Hoptus Redbranch finds Korbo one day in his workshop, he's just stopped by for the wood to repair a door after an unfortunate incident with attempting to remove a colony of bees and rather too much smoke for the moving of bees, and Korbo is simply. Pressing small pieces of hot iron into a very thin piece of wood, making small triangle patterns like no hobbit decoration Hoptus has ever seen, and he's quite frequently checking into a book on his left that turns out to be one of Hoptus' own books, and very carefully turning the pages with a cloth so as to not get oil from the hot iron all over the pages—

—and THEN, not long after the news of Korbo's strange woodburning activities have spread across most of the Shire (and caused no small amount of consternation, because goblins are clever but so often the things they make are cruel and the cause of ever so much unpleasantness), Hilda is seen in her own garden with Korbo with a stack of these thin pieces of wood all carefully hinged together, running her fingers over carefully sanded and varnished pieces and feeling the triangles and reciting a hobbit tale.

For all those months of strangely disappeared books, Korbo has been translating Westron into an alphabet that can be read with one's fingers, and making Hilda books, and teaching her to read them.

Nobody is entirely surprised, after about three years, when the two of them vanish for a few months, and come back quite married.

Within a few generations, this is absolutely going to be a thing Not Worth Remarking Upon. So when a young hobbit finds themselves accidentally ripping the knobs off doors when they're cross, their parents will sigh and the elder hobbits in the village will remark that 'that'll be the Glumbrush in 'im coming through, I told you his ears were a little bigger than his siblings, didn't I?' much the same as they always did on Bilbo and Frodo's Took relations and the resulting hankering for adventure.

Were anyone from the outside to visit the Shire, they'd find a small colony of goblins thoroughly intermarried and also avoiding the usual goblin tendencies towards stabbing, so long as no one is so gauche as to insult them for being goblins.

(Sooner or later, one very flustered hobbit is going to accidentally do the same thing with an orc.)

A nurse has heart attack and describes what she felt like when having one

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard.

 FEMALE HEART ATTACKS

 I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is description is so incredibly visceral that I feel like I have an entire new understanding of what it feels like to be living the symptoms on the inside. Women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have… you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor the we see in movies. Here is the story of one woman's experience with a heart attack:

 "I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, 'A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation–the only trouble was that I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m.

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven't we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack! I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else… but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment.

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics… I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like 'Have you taken any medications?') but I couldn't make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery.

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand.

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men's symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn't know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn't happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a 'false alarm' visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!
2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.' And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor – he doesn't know where you live and if it's at night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.
3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it's unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive to tell the tale."

Reblog, repost, Facebook, tweet, pin, email, morse code, fucking carrier pigeon this to save a life!

I wish I knew who the author was. I'm definitely not the OP, actually think it might be an old chain email or even letter from back in the day. The version I saw floating around Facebook ended with "my cardiologist says mail this to 10 friends, maybe you'll save one!" And knew this was way too interesting not to pass on.

Female heart attacks are much different, and most people don't know it!

This is so much more helpful than the fucking lists that basically describe everything that happens during a really nasty panic attack and then tell you to go seek help as if you don't have an anxiety disorder that does this to you on a regular basis and can afford to go to the emergency room.

Many women have silent heart attacks as well, where there are no symptoms at all until BAM! Then it happens.

As a formerly (mostly) healthy person who is now dealing with post-covid heart issues, this was tremendously helpful to read. Reblog, save a life.

Important for all genders so you can recognize other symptoms in yourself and others.

Reblogging again. Firefox is an excellent, safe and fast browser and everyone should consider using it.

Don't just consider it. If you have the ability to switch to Firefox, this is your official notice to do it.

Stop everything you're doing and go download and install Firefox.

If you're saying, "well, I need Chrome because I need such-and-such extension for my job", the computer will not explode if you install another browser. Use Chrome ONLY for work tasks and use Firefox for everything else. If you're concerned about losing your bookmarks, Firefox can import your Chrome bookmarks.

[ID: Firefox Library window. The "Import and Backup" panel is expanded, displaying the option, "Import Data from Another Browser", which is also circled with a red MS Paint ellipse. ID end.]

And, don't forget to install uBlock Origin while you're at it.

Forgot a thing. Subscribe to Mozilla VPN for bonus points . It's basically the only truly secure VPN service in the world right now.

For $5 a month, you can completely conceal your online activities from your ISP in a manner that isn't just immediately monetised or turned over to the cops. No, it's not free, it does cost money, but the money doesn't go to line a billionaire's pockets.

I wonder how much of this is because of work/school from home forcing people to use Chrome so all their stupid monitoring softwares and platforms can work.

This is also your reminder that you don't have to use just one browser. You can use chrome for all the monitoring bullshit your office wants you to run and use firefox for everything else.

Be sure to add the multi account containers extension to your firefox, which allows you to be logged in to multiple accounts on the same website at the same time in the same window but in different tabs.

look on my five open tumblr accounts (not sideblogs, accounts!) ye mighty and despair.

Firefox is super good, folks. It's good in a general "google shouldn't own everything in the entire fucking world" sense AND in a "this is an actual good product that does lots of cool shit" sense.

ALSO make sure to add the Ublock origin extension on Firefox - I haven't seen a youtube ad in five years and you don't have to either.

While you're at it, why not add the Wayback Machine extension so that if you go looking for a page that has been taken down the wayback machine will automatically offer you an archived version instead; also handy for documenting people's shitty takes and winning arguments after they delete the original post!

Worried that Firefox is going to slow down your computer? In benchmarks, modern versions of chrome and firefox are pretty much the same speed but you can still install the auto tab discard extension ANYWAY so that it will snooze unused tabs in order to keep your computer running faster. Set it to sleep, discard, close, and store tags at your discretion!

And while you're at it: install Firefox as your mobile browser for android and add those extensions to your mobile browser! Mobile adblock is here, baybee, save your data and enjoy a better mobile experience! And install it on iOS! iOS can't add extensions, but at least it's better than safari, and if you want a somewhat more private iOS browsing experience try firefox focus for iOS (which is also available on android but you can accomplish the same thing with extensions).

Anyway, firefox is good.

Also: in January 2023, Chrome is making some changes to plugin architecture that effectively neutering adblockers.  If you want good adblocking, you won't have it in Chrome.  Use Firefox

(In fairness, some Chrome-derived browsers like Vivaldi and Opera have openly parted ways with Chrome about this, and more power to them, but Firefox is the way to go.)

shit my criminal justice professor has pulled

• On the second week of class wore a baseball cap and sunglasses and attempted to go undercover within the students before class started just to "catch wind" of the latest gossip
• wore a maternity dress over his regular clothes and then another layer of regular clothes on top of that just to make a joke in the middle of class by stripping down to the maternity dress
  
• This thing called "Mowen dollars" which is just a piece of paper with his face on it that counts as extra credit if you turn it in with a test or paper
• Called us his "little ducklings" on multiple occasions
• Told us to flip off the class in the hall as we were leaving because they interrupted the middle of his lecture
• Also has this thing called "infinite generosity" where if you ask him to do something he won't say no
• For example, we can now use notes on every exam
• Constantly photoshops his face onto pictures on his powerpoints
• Got a speeding ticket and went to court to argue it with science about inclines and how it artificially adds speed to a car when they're going down.
• Lost the case and had to pay the ticket anyways.
•  Used his infinite generosity to grant us the option of actually turning in our final term paper without repercussions
•  Bargained with us that if 84% of the class responded to the teacher survey sent out by the university we could basically take the final test as a class
• Has had the highest rate of teacher survey response in the department for 4 years running and considers it a personal victory
• Took multiple pictures of the armored trucks that our local police department has purchased from his home while only wearing underwear
• In his infinite generosity, he made the final term paper optional because some kid asked him to like a week before it was supposed to be due

Update:

• He got the 84% of response on the survey and we can now take our final as an entire class and he can remain the champion of teacher survey responses in the department
  
• Sent out an announcement saying "I had a lunch that consisted of sour gummy worms and various snack cakes. It was fantastic and totally calorie-free"
• In that same message linked us an informative video for us to watch before taking the exam
• He rick rolled us.
• HE FUCKING RICK ROLLED US
• No one rick rolls me, so i sent him an email asking if I could include a link in my final power point slide and wanted him to check it to make sure it was informative
• https://youtu.be/lXMskKTw3Bc
  
• I rick rolled him right back
• Literally 2 minutes later he emailed me back saying that "the student has become the teacher"

Final Update:

• On the day of our final as he was passing out the tests he repeated that our class was just like "one big party" and that he was going to play a song that represents how much of a part our class was
  
• That song was "I've Got Big Balls" by ACDC
• He continued to play said song throughout the first half of our test
• When he asked if we had any questions about the test one kid asked what the answer to the first question was, and he actually told us.
• He realized how much of a mistake he had made by agreeing to let us take the test in groups when one girl became the "ring leader" and sent out scouts from her group to collect the answers from other groups so they could consolidate answers and decide which ones were the right ones
• As soon as the girl started reading down the list of answers to each question, he followed along in his own test and once she got to the end of the 2nd page said, "You guys are such assholes"
• When I handed in my test he told me that he was so proud of my email rick rolling on him that he showed all of his friends in the department

He continued to

play said song throughout the first

half of our test

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Snorlax vs Team Skull

I don't know what's funnier, the fourth grunt that pops up out of nowhere at the end or the nearby Guzma who seems to be legitimately concerned they're going to get their asses kicked

[vid: eight people with their arms linked and dressed in alternating shirts divided vertically between black and white with matching leggings split across two people between their matching black or white sides shuffle into a banquet. They then dance in impressive synchronization as if the four white "pairs" of legs belong to four people dancing together and the black pairs to three others (and two extra legs on the outside).]/end id.

barneshomad1982.blogspot.com

Source: https://myrling-art.tumblr.com/

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